I am being followed around by my anxieties, they’ve infiltrated my dreams and I’m left with my mind combing through the many failures and rejections of this year; my feet are too small for the big boots I’m trying to fill. Here are my childhood dreams of being on the cusp of adulthood broken apart, entering the big schools, the grand schools, l’université. I’ve reached the finish line with brittle bones, we never thought life could feel so heavy. It’s summer and I’m free from classrooms and whiteboards and girls in school uniforms and I don’t miss it but I miss the direction. I knew where I was going and what I was doing, now I’m stuck in this period of wait as someone evaluates my written words, words I spat out with paper and pen under timed conditions and I’m worried that it won’t be enough, that I’m not enough. Everyone says not to worry because there is nothing I can do about it. I know that. I know that very well. I know it so well that it brings me to tears. I want peace of mind (cue the Lauryn Hill song “I Gotta Find Peace Of Mind”).
Oyinda is a very very confused teenage girl, and like most people spends almost every waking moment trying to figure things out. Born in Nigeria but resides in London, she’s trying to become herself without shunning any part of her identity. To Oyinda, the ultimate goal in her life is to be seen as an equal counterpart universally, to be accepted for who she is and all her passions. You can find her on instagram and tumblr.