The regular contributors of Sula Collective came together and responded to the question: ‘What does healing look like for you?’ This is the second part in the series (read part 1 here) where we continue to explore how people of colour find ways to heal and document healing through various mediums.
When the living ain’t easy.
- Pretending “I’m fine” really means that I am
- Dove soap and hot showers at 3am, telling myself tomorrow will be more productive
- Battle-raps in the bathroom. Rebuttals. Repeat.
- Sometimes I am the well for water to run through but I still end up thirsty.
- …Most of all I wonder “Who has time for self-care?” When money is low and the living is high. When heating surpasses the benefits of a hair appointment – who can afford this shit?
- When my hair needs washing, nourishing, a trim, a blow-dry, I end up feeling ugly.
- Eyebrows are doing what they wanna. The lady who takes that thread between her fingers for hours a day, probably never has time to do her own.
- I keep forgetting to remind myself I’m important enough to take a lunch break.
- A new thing: drinks on Fridays. A massage.
tw: rape, mental illness
the writing is the documenting, the healing, the accepting, the understanding, the forgiving
(of myself, not of you), is the freeing, the breathing, the returning to myself + my power. writing to free and to get rid of the sad things in the gaps of my words of my thoughts.
my notebooks and notes on my phone become a space for me to realise and name my fears and traumas without judgement, allowing me to give form and validity to my feelings in a way that isn’t unhealthy. for the first time in a long while, i feel okay, healthy and healing in some way. here are excerpts of things i’ve written over the past few months about different things/feelings that were going on at different stages of my healing process.
Two of Saffa’s illustration (see her first at the top of the post) on ‘translating issues with mental health and self-care’.
as soon as the ball dropped i was already typing out my new years resolutions. i promised myself to be more productive, healthy, and to take in more art. i guess going to museums has always been a way for me to heal. how can they not act as a sanctuary in some way?
they shield you from the weather on days too cold or hot to be outside. they provide you with the white noise that is hundreds and hundreds of conversations occurring at once. they show you beginnings and ends- but most importantly they show you everything that existed in between.
i have cried in the lower level of the metropolitan. had my eyes water while watching films at the moma. felt my lungs expand and contract while laying down on the beds in the new museum during the piplotti rist exhibit. smiled while watching the words of howl flash across scenes of new york in high definition- because ginsberg will always remind me of when i was a quiet and timid high school graduate.
i started 2017 walking through the many museums of new york and they have made me miss the softness that has left me throughout the last few years. here is to 2017 being a year of healing for me- a year where i won’t have to force myself to enjoy the things i used to love more than myself.
Sula Journals is a weekly column where, usually, a staff member/regular contributor of Sula Collective posts a reflective blog post or diary entry in any form they want. To find out more about our regular contributors, check out our Staff page.