issue 7: apr 2016, Sula Journals
Comments 2

Sula Journals: Kassandra (K.)

Sunday April 24th, 2016

This past week has been a rare streak of almost constant productivity and happiness. From last Saturday up until Friday I’ve accomplished more than I usually do within a month. I went to a gallery for a special exhibit I had been looking forward to for weeks, met some new pals, had a picnic with some friends in Prospect Park, started a new book, and meditated on friendship. Life is still causing me a lot of stress on the daily, but lately I’ve been able to appreciate the little moments it has given me.

 

Saturday: April 16th

  • I took the train into New York to go to the TEEN DREAM gallery out in Brooklyn. I saw some amazing art and got to pick up my copy of Coalition’s Spring/Summer issue.
  • I met Fabiola and Siddisse at the gallery and after it was over we went thrifting around the Village, talked about astrology (I’m a Sagittarius), and got warm cookies.
  • Once 10pm hit, Me & Stef went up to Times Square to grab Jada and got stuck in human traffic. Then we headed back to Stef’s dorm, ordered pizza at 1am, and fell asleep watching Trainspotting.

 

Sunday: April 17th

  • We woke up at around 10am, grabbed coffee, and went up to Harlem to grab Puerto Rican food at Cuchifritos.
  • Took the 6 train to Canal, transferred to the J to go back to the gallery so Jada could look around before we went over to Prospect to meet our friends.
  • It’s been about 2 or 3 months since I’ve seen most of them, but I felt so happy to be back.
  • Some people had to leave early and those of us who were left ended up walking to The Community Bookstore. I found some books on the sidewalk on the trek there (2 copies of Yeti Magazine!!).
  • There was a cat inside the store named Tiny. He jumped up on the Fascism table to let everyone pet him and on our way out I got to pet a tiny puppy so it was good feels all around that day. I didn’t want to say goodbye, but I didn’t feel lonely when I got home either.

Screen Shot 2016-04-24 at 10.25.51 PM

I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about friendship. I used to be one of those people who didn’t care about their friends at all, but about a year or so ago I started experiencing a lot of platonic love for the new friends I made through school clubs or online. I’ve limited my interactions with white people who aren’t socially aware and cut off the two toxic people I had been friends with since high school because they had never shown me any love or support. I was sick of being treated like shit and feeling like I wasn’t good enough because I wasn’t white. I was tired of being kept in the shadows because I wasn’t white. I was good enough to hang out with one-on-one, but was never invited to hang out in groups. I felt like a dirty secret.

Now I feel loved, supported creatively & emotionally, and understood. It feels good to know that my friends can understand why I’m so insecure and anxious and to be surrounded by people who don’t make my mental illnesses seem like something I’m fabricating for attention. It feels safe being surrounded by women and people of color. It feels safe to be involved in a supportive, online community.

Going to that gallery alone was a huge step for me. I’ve been to a few zine fests in the past and I caught bad anxiety attacks each time, but this time I talked myself into socializing (with the help of Sophia) and was accepted and shown so much love. Just talking to Fabiola & Siddisse helped me gain more confidence in myself and my work. Fabiola is the reason I’m writing this entry right now. I’m trying to put myself out there more.

Some of my recent loves:

  • Ceramics. I’m taking hand-building & wheel-throwing this semester and I’m so in love with it I considered taking it up as my major. Definitely looking into buying my own wheel and mini kiln at some point in the future. The photo above is my hand in a bucket full of purple glaze.
  • This video and this video. All I want in life is to be covered in glitter 24/7.
  • This piece about being intimidated by Susan Sontag’s work. (Her journals are amazing though).
  • Old New York
  • LEMONADE. I’m pretty sure that goes without saying.
  • Adrien Brody. I’m so obsessed with his face, he is so handsome and such a good actor.
  • Yann Tiersen’s work.
  • THE ARGONAUTS by Maggie Nelson:

“But whatever sameness I’ve noted in my relationship with women is not the sameness of Woman, and certainly not the sameness of parts. Rather, it is the shared, crushing understanding of what it means to live in a patriarchy.”

&

“…I realized that age doesn’t necessarily bring anything with it, save itself. The rest is optional.”

 


 

Kassandra (K.) Piñero [they/she] is the co-founder and co-editor of Sula Collective. She loves literature, malta goya, and being a paranoid heaux. You can find her on twitter and instagram. She’ll give you her tumblr if you ask nicely.

 

2 Comments

  1. ‘Now I feel loved, supported creatively & emotionally, and understood. It feels good to know that my friends can understand why I’m so insecure and anxious […]’

    That’s amazing! I recently got this too after sending my closest friends an email about my ambitions and insecurities. It’s a really great feeling to know people have your back, isn’t it? Also, I love how productive you’ve been! I’d kill for a week like yours!

    Aida
    x

    p.s I once had like a 6 month long obsession with Adrien Brody. I feel you.

    Like

  2. Pingback: Sula Journals: Kassandra | III | Sula Collective

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