Essays, issue 4: dec 2015
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Sex is Sin: Immoral Traditions by Oyinda

Sex is Sin: Immoral Traditions

My mother says that I am a child of God

“Do I even believe in God?”

I started to wonder at age 13.
Pre-marital sex. I can’t remember ever holding on to abstinence.
As a child of God, a girl of God and a Woman of God, purity is everything.
Not for me, but for the man I will marry.
“will”.
Pre-marital sex is a sin. You will wait until marriage.
“will”
Do not open your legs for a man, or you will burn in hell.
“will”

I am a child of my desires. Pleasure is good but they say sexual immorality is bad, that you should pray when the devil begins to run his fingers softly across your thighs, or when he leans and whispers how good it feels to kiss.

I am conflicted.
Sex = Devil before you are married.
Sex = ??? after marriage.

I am afraid that they will rub me so raw and so clean that I will begin to fear my body, even in marriage. I am afraid that purity will remain stabbed into the back of my mind, even when I try and be with the person I love. I am afraid of going to hell.

Hell.

“Do I even believe in God?”

I want my body to belong to me and not to a God. I want to feel what I want without guilt tapping on my right shoulder. I want to be held, and to be kissed without Christianity lingering in my thoughts. I want to not feel like I should feel shame for my thoughts and my beliefs.

My mother says I am a child of God.

Am I letting her down?

 


 

Oyinda is a 16 year old Nigerian girl living in London, England. She is a writer and part of Sula Collective’s staff. You can find her on tumblr and instagram

Illustration by Raz (twitter).

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